Goodbyes

Suddenly I woke up to a loud thud on the floor. I raised my head lightly from the pillow and found the novel I was reading, on the floor right beside the bed. I stared at the ceiling with an empty heart but got distracted at once with the thought of my little one arriving home today. Quickly I turned my head towards the wall clock. It was half past eight. I was late. I always liked when I did not have to wake up in the morning and unlike for the past two decades which I had to wake up early, cook and pack lunch boxes for him and for the little one. The time flies and now the things have changed. I feebly got down from the bed and walked slowly towards the bathroom. I washed my face, brushed my teeth and changed myself into the best dress I had. It was a floral printed frock reaching down to the ankles. I looked at myself in the mirror to witness the old me. My wrinkled face, beady eyes and the grey hair reflected in the mirror along with the colorful floral prints which could no longer add beauty to me. He liked when I wore frocks which I rarely did and when I did, he felt very happy. He never said it to my face but I saw it in his eyes. I could still remind those days how I overheard him whispering to my little one “Ammi looks beautiful ! ‘ and my cute little son nodded his head, smiled and whispered something back which I couldn’t catch into my ears. I wished I heard it back then.

I slowly walked in to the living room and sat on the chair closest to the main door where I could reach the door easily. I did not have to ask the maid to come as I knew he would prepare the meals for me. That’s how he always did. Whenever he received his vacation he separated a few days for me and another few days for his work here . I always thought that was the worst vacation anybody could receive. Having the fewest days as the vacation in a year, still he had to work. The biggest disappointment came when he phoned the day before and broke the news saying that he would have to leave the country as soon possible this time. When I asked him back, whether he could stay at least a night, he poured me back with the reasons which I never understood, but I was happy. I was happy and contented that he could make it at least for a few hours.

The clock struck nine. I stared at the clock while listening to its ticking. The whole house was immersed in dead silence but I could hear the echoes of their voices. The house was full of nostalgia. I looked around the walls and the framed photographs which were neatly placed on the shelves. My husband was smiling at me from the top shelf. I couldn’t believe how fast the things went. How I met him in the college, how we got married, how we moved into this house, how we had our one and only baby, how our little one grew up while we grew old, and finally how he left me promising to meet me in the heaven. Those were his last few words in the death bed. He wanted to meet me in the heaven. I still couldn’t believe that I heard those words from him because he never believed in hell or heaven. I could awaken the memories of how we argued with each other over the things we believed; the hell and the heaven, the earth and the universe, the gods and the ghosts and so on. We always had different beliefs. The best part was that those conversations and arguments never ended. He was afraid. He was afraid of arguing and fighting over little things which actually did not matter. He was right. They did not matter. So the arguments were left halfway through.

The ringing of the door-bell brought me back. My face lightened up and I rushed in my slow pace to open the door. There was him standing. “Ammi, you look beautiful !” he said just as I expected. He kissed me and hugged me. I could see his teary eyes full of love and joy. My little one always reminded me of him. His teary eyes, pointed nose, thin baby hair and his chocolate colored skin molded him exactly like his father.

He walked straight into the kitchen with the goods he brought and started to prepare the meals. I was asked to be seated and watch him cook. Then he started to spill his stories, the stories from abroad with the minutest details. Almost all of his stories revolved around his work life and his girlfriend. I listened to him impatiently and spiced it up with the stories I had. We talked and laughed for hours. We ate together after a long period of time. I felt I was having the time of my life once again. The time passed in the blink of an eye. He said that he couldn’t stay for dinner but prepared the meals by himself for that night. He cooked the meals, sent them to the table and washed the dishes. I was always ordered to be seated until he prepared the meals. Although I wanted to pepper and salt the curries, he never allowed me. His pinch of salt for the curries was different than mine and it was never enough for me. Nevertheless I kept it to myself and enjoyed the curries. A pinch of salt did not hurt as the curries were filled with gallons of love. Soon came the time for his departure. He packed his things to leave. My eyes were already full of tears just at the edge of bursting. He hugged me and kissed me. That was the moment where I couldn’t handle any more. I burst into tears. He patted me until I stopped crying on his shoulder. He kissed me in the forehead “Take good care of yourself Ammi. I’ll be back as soon as possible and don’t forget to take the pills on time.” he said. I was choked with emotions and couldn’t reply. I walked after him from the door to the garden, from the garden to the gate and from the gate to the car. My farewells were often tears and silence. He waved his final good bye before getting into the car and asked me to return inside the house, but I stayed. I stayed till the car took the turn and disappeared. Tears were rolling down on my wrinkled cheeks. I was never good in acting normal when saying goodbyes. Goodbyes had always been hard for me, whether they came one at a time or all at once, good byes were always hard for me.