My Story -Now
About twenty years ago, I dreamt of becoming a teacher one day. I used to wear my grandma’s sarees and roam about the garden, teaching all the trees and bushes how to count and how to recite the alphabet. It was all fun. Then again, by the onset of my secondary school years, I wished to become a doctor. To be honest, there was a lot of influence from all the people I knew at that age, from all walks of life. I was actually more concerned about the financial benefits the doctors gained by doing private practices, the car permits, and the immense social recognition they had in the Sri Lankan community. So, like many others, I always said to myself that I would become a doctor one day. However, as time passed, I realized I was into business studies and accounting. I had good grades too. Eventually, I decided to change my stream of studies to become an accountant. This was during my pre-O/Level era. Despite all my dreams of choosing a particular career, I excelled in almost all the subjects I followed, which of course led me back to wanting to be a doctor. It was the norm back then and even now. If you get straight As for O/Levels, you are going right away to the medical or engineering professions. I had no choice but to follow the well-trodden path of A/Level Biology, Chemistry, and Physics. On top of that, I had no reason to resist or hesitate because almost half of my batch of colleagues were pursuing biosciences to become doctors. Anyway, I missed my first chance of entering the medical faculty. I couldn’t make it, and interestingly, I missed it for the second time as well. I was exhausted and stressed. There was so much pressure for the third ride coming from my parents and relatives. However, my circumstances did not allow me to do it another time. I was sick, both physically and mentally. So I chose to do food sciences for my bachelor’s degree. I completed it as usual, with flying colors. There are so many stories in between, but I would simply say that I made it. I got first-class honors, and now everyone wants me to pursue a PhD. Not to lie, I initiated the mania, and it backfired. Halfway through, I realized that a PhD is not what I want to do with my life and wished many times to change my career. Like I said before, the situation backfired. Nobody wanted to watch me change my status quo. Another huge curveball life threw at me. I was messed up, embarrassed, and depressed. I felt utterly hopeless. I resigned from my work as a research assistant at the university and dragged myself home, feeling like the biggest failure in the entire universe. My days passed by like the consequences of a zombie apocalypse. It was dark, silent, and empty. My dead body was just walking around the house, to and for from the bedroom and kitchen. This was when the child in me started to wake up from the dreams of twenty years ago. I wanted to become a teacher again, but the path doesn’t seem to be easy. considering the fact that my bachelor’s degree was aimed at the industry and not schools. People started telling me to become a lecturer, which is quite different from teaching school-aged children. As you know, children are sweetly stubborn, whereas adults are morosely stubborn, and that makes the difference. Anyway, right now, I have more than enough time to regurgitate my life in front of you, as I am proudly jobless. I do not know what I will pursue in my life next in terms of my career. I am hunting for jobs, though I am clueless. In spite of my existing homemaker condition, I don’t want the pain of a meaningless occupation anymore. What matters to me is that I live a fulfilling life, to none’s terms and conditions but mine. If it is something inspiring, I know that I am a real go-getter. The thing is, I am still figuring out what inspires me the most, but trust me, it’s not an apocalyptic PhD! Until then, it’s me and my aimless mind wandering about in the abyss, thinking about what “life” means to me.